Qutting Facebook with Digital Minimalism
Becoming better.
It’s something we all strive for.
I was eager to start my digital declutter journey, but there were a few things holding me back. I’ve been feeling distant from my social circle since September 2019, when I quit my job at a small, extremely tight-knit game development company to work at a huge, multinational AAA game publisher and distributor.
A big step up for my career, a huge step away from all my friends.
I was already feeling the distance early March 2020.
It’s something we all strive for.
…but in this case I’m talking about the podcast - hosted by productivity gurus Ardyn Nordstrom and Chris Bailey. My friend Sorcha recommended this podcast, and - during the inaugural episode - Chris recommends a book – Digital Minimalism. It’s by computer science professor Cal Newport and, in it, he tells you all those facts you knew about social media, but really didn’t want to have proven by economics and science.
Having been caught hook, line and sinker by Marie Kondo's magic a few years back, I was intrigued. Digital Minimalism is as it sounds - you take the minimalist mindset and apply it to the technology in your life. Due to it's omnipresence, social media is mentioned a lot. But Digital Minimalism extends beyond that. Newport defines it as:
A philosophy of technology use in which you focus your online time on a small number of carefully selected and optmised activities that strongly support things you value, and then happily miss out on everything else. (Newport, 2019, p28)
"Happily miss out on everything else."
This struck me as a powerful idea.
Being empowered to choose where my brain power and emotional energy went sounded like a ticket to a new way of living - I was deeep into my Digital Minimalism reading back in March - preparing for what Newport coins as the 'digital declutter' - "a thirty-day period during which you take a break from optional technologies in your life. During this... break, explore and rediscover activities and behaviours that you find satisfying and meaningful." (Newport, p60). At the end of the break you reintroduce the technologies that you feel add value to your life - presumably with some fresh perspective earnt during the break.
I was eager to start my digital declutter journey, but there were a few things holding me back. I’ve been feeling distant from my social circle since September 2019, when I quit my job at a small, extremely tight-knit game development company to work at a huge, multinational AAA game publisher and distributor.
A big step up for my career, a huge step away from all my friends.
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| Postcard art by Mari Andrew |
I was already feeling the distance early March 2020.
This made me hesitant to abandon all social media, when I felt at risk of loneliness leading to a decline in my mental health. I thought about it a lot and decided that while now might not be the best time for a full declutter, there was one social media platform I felt ready to break-up with.
We all know about ‘doomscrolling’ and that awful state of being where you can’t even remember why you pulled your phone out, but here you are, slumped into the couch, looking at enviably adorable pictures of your brother’s ex-girfriend’s new baby back in your idyllic-looking hometown.
Of all the social media platforms, I identified Facebook as the one that felt worst to use.
The awful mishmash of social circles that my feed had become was a big part of the problem: people from school, university, all my jobs, family of varying degrees, people I’d ‘networked’ with at games industry-related social events etc. As an empathetic person, I instinctively ‘read the room’ of wherever I am before inputting anything.
My Facebook feed felt like an impossible place to do that.
Sure, I could do a massive cull, but to what end? It would be cleaner, quicker, and all-round better for me to break up with the platform altogether.
Of all the social media platforms, I identified Facebook as the one that felt worst to use.
The awful mishmash of social circles that my feed had become was a big part of the problem: people from school, university, all my jobs, family of varying degrees, people I’d ‘networked’ with at games industry-related social events etc. As an empathetic person, I instinctively ‘read the room’ of wherever I am before inputting anything.
My Facebook feed felt like an impossible place to do that.
Sure, I could do a massive cull, but to what end? It would be cleaner, quicker, and all-round better for me to break up with the platform altogether.
So, how has it been?
Well, as you, the knowledgeable reader knows, March 2020 was no ordinary month in history.
In a few short weeks, I went from flying to Sydney to work at a convention with thousands of attendees to being self-isolated at home, due to a nasty cold that struck right as the coronavirus was beginning to dominate news headlines.
I was facing being more socially isolated than ever. And yet I still felt driven to break-up with Facebook. What better time to explore and rediscover past times that filled me with purpose? Around April, I decided to go ahead. I would leave it behind and let its absence tell me what I was missing out on.
It felt like a monumental shift at the time, but I can tell you now, five months on, that it feels like a tiny sacrifice. We survived all our lives until the mid-2000s without Facebook - I can't believe I really thought that breaking-up with it would be a big deal.
The list of things I was "missing out on" was very short:
- Access to my Spotify and Goodreads accounts.
- Some photos taken at events I attended.
- Events for Dungeons & Dragons sessions.
- My brother's spicy memes.
Here's what I did to solve each of them:
- I re-configured my Spotify and Goodreads accounts to have different login credentials. This was really easy to do using online instructions - although annoyingly, the Spotify process required re-activating my Facebook account to access settings to remove the connection.
- Contacted the person who took the photos and asked them to send them to me directly.
- Asked the organiser of the events to move the conversation about session dates to a messaging platform.
- Talked to my brother more via direct messages and phone calls.
I had one short relapse that was sparked by reactivating my account to remove Spotify's connection with it, but since deactivating a second time, I've had no need to return.
I found it was important to let people know that I'd chosen to break-up with Facebook - so they knew it wasn't a reliable way to contact me. And I found strange gaps would crop up in my communication with friends. For example, I got a dog a few months back, and I was shocked to learn, when mentioning her in passing, that some of my close friends were not aware of her existence. But this served as a good kick-in-the-butt to start contacting these friends more often. I started messaging those I was missing directly and suggesting we hang out.
Removing Facebook from my life has brought clarity to a lot of my relationships and given back time that I now spend on things I actually enjoy.
My main worry about breaking-up with Facebook was that it would negatively affect my relationships and make me feel lonely. But the opposite has happened - I've become better at replying to direct messages and more proactive when it comes to making plans with my friends (all online at the moment, of course).
Perhaps most exciting was the void of self-expression left by Facebook. It helped me realise that, more than anything, I really missed writing.
So here we are.
The simple act of composing this blog post has brought so much joy. It's made me feel happy all week: to remember who you are is a beautiful feeling.
There is never a 'good time' to do something difficult. Just grit your teeth and do whatever it is.
I promise you'll feel better for it.
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| Comic art by Zen Pencils and quote by Tim Ferriss |
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